As you probably know, because I’ve been talking about it non-stop, I’ve just published my book Weird, Crude, Funny, and Nude: The Bible Exposed. Doing this has shown me that there are actually many gaps in the publishing world where there are books crying out to be written. All they need is someone to sit down and type them out. Some of these are so good they’ll write themselves, they’re sure to be bestsellers.
Gardening Through Praise: Harness the power of praise to grow your plants
A study by Ikea has shown that if you bully a plant it doesn’t grow very well. Studies by the author of this book will show that the most powerful fertilizer is actually praise and worship. This book will include thirty chapters full of tips on how to achieve horticultural success through making a joyful song to God. It will cover key topics like “Hillsong or Bethel – Which is better for bulb flowers?”, “Reading the imprecatory psalms to deciduous plants”, “Turnip the Sound – best youth worship albums for vegetable growing”, and “A Guide to Using Good Good Father to repel pests.”
The Genealogy Love Story Series
There are a lot of Christian romance books out there. If you haven’t got into them, you really should. They’re amazing. But what every writer wants these days is a good series that will keep you coming back. Luckily, the Bible has romance series’ hidden in the most unlikely of places, the genealogies. Each genealogy contains generation after generation of fathers and their sons (with a few women thrown in here and there). Every generation is a love story just waiting to be written. For instance in 1 Chronicles 1:41 we read of Dishon who had four sons, Hemdan, Eshban, Ithran and Keran. Who was Dishon’s wife? My bet is that she was a slave girl who had been stolen from her family at a young age. After seeing her at the marketplace while she was buying spices for her evil masters she is rescued in a daring raid by Dishon who has amazing abs. After her rescue they fall in love, get married and have children, only to have Dishon’s wife die at a young age of a mysterious illness where she coughs a bit while still looking as pretty as the day Dishon first laid eyes her. What a love story! Just think, there are hundreds of stories just like this waiting to be told straight from the verses of Genesis, 1 Chronicles, Matthew, and Luke. Whoever writes this series is going to be rich!
Using Social Media for Spiritual Warfare
We all know the spiritual power that can be unlocked by typing “Amen” on a photo of a sick kid on Facebook, but this is only the beginning of the power social media holds to bring down Satan’s strongholds. This book will teach readers how to build a hedge of protection using likes and the prayer emoji, how to rebuke demons using only offended comments and angry reacts, how to harness the power of the retweet for the most effective prayers, and how to use inspirational Instagram quotes to sow and reap financial freedom. Prepare for breakthrough with this book.
The Prayer of Samson
Sampson, the great hero of the faith, only prays once in the entire story of his life, and it is this prayer: “Sovereign Lord, remember me. Please, God, strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes.” (Judges 16:28)
Taking a leaf out of the book of that early millennium bestseller “The Prayer of Jabez”, “The Prayer of Samson” will teach you how to pray this prayer and literally kill your enemies for the wrong they have done to you – get revenge on that kid who bullied you in year seven, destroy the person who cut you off in traffic, tear down and kill everyone inside the headquarters of the internet service provider who overcharged you in July and September last year. The prayer of Samson will change your life and end many others.
The Definitive Guide to Everything Not in the Bible
I saw someone on the internet arguing that they aren’t vaccinating their kids because vaccines aren’t in the Bible. Someone else responded with a few other things that also aren’t in the Bible, like tomatoes and the internet. While I think they were joking, the point is valid. There are a lot of things that aren’t in the Bible and therefore need to be deemed as evil. This book would be a handy alphabetised encyclopaedia of all those things so that we might be able to tell what is and isn’t evil. Here are just some things that are on that list and therefore evil:
– Hot Chips
– Getting stuck in traffic
– The United States of America
– The printing press
– Plastic surgery
– The Bible
While the book would be quite long it is important to know what is and isn’t in the Bible so that we all might know what we can safely interact with as Christians.
So there you have it, folks, five books that need to be written write now. If you would like to write one, I will let you, you just owe me 10% of your royalties for the idea. What Christian books do you think need to be written?